The end of a long road and a new beginning

As of today I am a fully board-certified physician of family medicine.

It was only fitting that I found out about it at 6 pm while sitting by myself in a dim office with the knowledge that I still had another hour or so of work to do. 

Hell of a long road it took to get here, that's for sure. It's funny to think that when I started this blog to record my journey through medical training I thought I'd feel different about this moment and what lay ahead of it. I remember thinking I'd feel relieved once I was standing at the top. How naive.

Little did I know that getting here would only mean that the work of learning was only beginning. It would mean that despite 80+ hour work weeks and sleep deprivation there are so many things I have yet to see and manage. That the mantle of responsibility I'd wear would feel so very heavy sometimes.

There are so many moments during my days now when I see glimpses of my family and friends through the patients I treat. I see it in a way they might look at me. I see it in all the worries, all the problems, all the joys and the sadness. It makes me want to learn more and make sure I know all the answers, make sure I know just the right things to say to make things better - even though sometimes I know that's impossible. It breaks my heart that for some of them all I can do is stand near and put a caring arm around them.

It's become all too frequent now the times when I'll think about a patient I saw a day or so earlier and wonder if there was something I missed or a different diagnosis I should have thought of. I want to answer all my messages quickly and return those phone calls that are requested by family members after seeing their loved ones in the office. All of this makes most of my days last about two or three hours longer than what they are scheduled but I know that I have to do it. I would hope that the person seeing my dad or my mom would do the same for them.

I know that most people who come to see me in the office probably don't think about things this way. I know because before I got into medicine I never gave a second thought about my doctor. In fact, most of the time I didn't want to even see him. 

I'm sure there are others out there who've said all of what I'm saying now in a more elegant and pointed way, but while sitting here thinking about what I've accomplished I'm only left with thinking how much I have yet to do and how little I really know.

I still have another long road to go down and another journey to experience...

Comments

[dragonfly]

Congratulations on that significant achievement and milestone in your career. All the best for 2009.

[K]

Congratulations, Israel, you will and do make a splendid doctor, I'm sure.

Every time I see my current doctor (too often lately), I think of you. He'll spend 10 minutes chatting with me about nothing before he even asks what's wrong. I imagine you'd be as good.

I also feel I should warn you, last I talked to him he was telling me about starting his practice with his wife (seven years ago). He said no one told them about not getting paid one month. I forget the exact reason why, something about opening the practice. Anyway, they sure as fuck didn't see it coming and had been trying to pay back all the massive amounts of money they owed and never knew to save for it. He said it was hell and they didn't have a dime for that month. Beware, old friend.

[gaia gold]

Every time I see my current doctor (too often lately), I think of you. He'll spend 10 minutes chatting with me about nothing before he even asks what's wrong. I imagine you'd be as good.

[ducksinthewind]

Great congratulations!

My husband had served 4 tours in Vietnam as a Navy corpsman with the marines, and then as a SEAL, plus he had a family and 5 children by the time he became a board certified OB/GYN.

I think it sets you both apart, that the call on your life did not spring you fully formed as elite practitioners, straight from home and school.

You will be so much more important to humankind. Well done, you have my admiration

[buy maplestory money]

Congratulations on that significant achievement and milestone in your career. All the best for 2009.